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with ash in your mouth ● elena/elijah
title| with ash in your mouth
summary| She's running to save him because the thought of him lying dead, no dagger to pull out, makes her heart stop and her throat close up.
A/N| Happy Valentines Day to my followers and the Elejah family. I should have written something fluffy and cute, it being Valentines Day and all, but I'm awful at fluff and this was a plot bunny that wouldn't go away. Hope you enjoy. :]
"You can only save one."
The witch (Marla) hands her the dagger and she thinks that this might be a mistake.
"What if it doesn't work?"
Marla shrugs one shoulder and tilts her head.
"Would you rather stand back and do nothing?"
She tightens her grip on the dagger and shakes her head.
---
She's going to save Elijah.
She had thought about Rebekah. But no, she hadn't. It had been him since the witch gave her the dagger.
If she had enough time to think, to feel, she might feel selfish, because this isn't about him being moral or good. This isn't about him saving her or the absolute trust in his eyes when he looks (looked) at her. She's not doing this because she owes him, because she betrayed him, lied to him.
She's running to save him because the thought of him lying dead, no dagger to pull out, makes her heart stop and her throat close up. She's not strong enough to lose him, doesn't know if she'll ever be, but she doesn't think about that, she can't, and she's glad she doesn't have time to.
She finds him easily, waiting at her house. They seem to be on the same side again, both trying to take down Esther and save his family. She's noticed that his trust in her seems to be creeping back in. She isn't sure if that will make this harder or easier.
He greets her, she greets him. There's a ghost of a smile on his face and he looks hopeful. (Harder, defiantly harder)
"What did the witch say?"
She swallows, rubs her hands on her jeans, trying so hard to be calm. She could just tell him, ask if it's what he wants. But she knows what his answer will be. He won't let his family die. She won't let him die, so it's better this way, it is. Esther will be putting her plan into motion any hour, they're out of time.
It's better this way. (She can't tell if that's a lie)
"She found something. Sort of.. a loophole."
She tries to smile when she says it, but she thinks it comes out crooked. It's not a lie, not technically. (It's not the truth either)
She's subtly moving closer to him, and she wishes more than anything that she could say she's doing it subconsciously, that she's not planing a strategy in her head with each step.
He raises an eyebrow. He expects her to go on.
(I sort of have to dagger you again, but you don't mind do you? Don't worry, your family will be dead, but at least I'll still have you!)
She opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out. She tries again, again, but keeps failing. Eventually, she's able to make a sound, but it's nothing more than a short breath and a pitiful whimper.
The world is blurring around her. (No, don't cry, don't cry, you'll ruin it, you'll ruin everything) He stands still for a moment, unsure of what to do, before he closes their short distance and slowly wraps his arms around her. A sob hits her hard in the chest and she almost hates him for making this even harder. But she made this mess. She lied to him and helped Esther. She can't help but think this is some sort of karma, having to save him this way.
Her weeping slows into sniffs and he cradles her head. A wave of déjà vu rolls over her, and she remembers being in his arms before, wishes that it didn't have to end the same way it did then.
She breathes in, slow and shaky, and slides the dagger out of her belt.
She whispers into his shoulder, harsh and cracked. "I'm sorry."
Before he can react, Elena stabs him in the heart.
She hears the sharp intake of breath inches from her ear. His fingers are still in her hair and it feels like she's the only thing keeping him up. She doesn't feel guilty, because she's going to save him.
But then she pulls back. He doesn't look angry, just confused, shocked, like he doesn't understand what just happened. And then it settles in, what she's done, and he looks so crushed and defeated. He's trying hard to breathe and she wants to pull the dagger back out, but that can't happen. She holds onto it, keeps it in his chest.
His fingers start to slip from her hair and his skin is turning ashen. He doesn't pull her back in like the last time.
She lets go of the dagger, lets go of him.
He falls, crashes to the floor, and she's left standing above his body.
She doesn't make a sound, still shaking and staring at him. And then something rises up in her throat, thick, rough, and comes out as a sob. Her tears are gone, making it dry and coarse. She falls to her knees and the noises coming from her mouth don't belong to her. She's choking, can't breath, feels sick.
She thinks of the differences between then and now. Then, him being dead didn't matter, didn't make her heart hurt. All that mattered was that her loved ones were safe.
It doesn't take her long to realize that she's still doing the same thing, saving her loved ones.
She thinks of Jeremy, how she didn't give him a choice either. She can't lose them, she can't.
(Selfish girl.)
She can't lose them.
She can't lose him.
She clings onto Elijah's coat.
(Please forgive me.)
no subject
LOVE IT!
This is so very much Elena, so conflicted about everything and trying to figure out just who her loved ones are and coming to terms with the fact that Elijah is one of them.
The lying she does, to herself and to him rings true and it's so easy to see the inner turmoil she's facing.
Perfect!
no subject
I was mostly trying to focus on the guilty, selfish part of her, so I'm glad it fit.